Just call me Mother Nature

I bought an Orchid from Woolies the other day. Yes, it was a spur of the moment buy but now I realise it was meant to be. I have found my true calling in life, and all this time I thought I was meant to help people, not plants.
I am a living, breathing, horticulturalist specialising in Orchids bought from Woolies. I know it sounds very specialised and perhaps there is not a very big market out there for horticulturalists specialising in Orchids bought from Woolies, but at least I have discovered a niche market.

I am thinking about putting an ad on Verimark:

Is your Woolies Orchid looking sad and shriveled? Are you struggling to remember to change your underpants, never mind remembering to water your Orchid? Have you forgotten to prune your Orchid in the last few months? If you answered yes to these questions, then you need the help of Leggi, specialist Woolies Orchid horticulturalist. If you phone now to arrange a personalised session with Leggi, you will also receive a free bottle of pre-mixed orchid food absolutely free. That’s right. Absolutely free.

You should see it. All pretty and pink and stuff. ALL the blossoms have opened (9 in total I might add). Have you ever seen an Orchid with 9 blooming flowers? No, I didn't think so! Just call me Mother Nature.