I heart Pirate Hookers

There is an expression my friends and I use to explain the incredible transformation which occurs whenever the consumption of alcohol and the wearing of black stilettos occur simultaneously. This expression has gained quite a bit of recognition in recent times, so much so that it could almost be called a movement. The first time it happened was at a little club in Greenside called Tokyo Star. As Barney Stinson would say, it was “Leg.En.Dary” and the Pirate Hooker was born.


Now it may sound derogatory, but a Pirate Hooker is not what you are thinking. All girls, no matter their size and shape, no matter the colour of their skin or hair, will act like a Pirate Hooker when the time arrives. Let me explain…

Time: 1:30am

Location: Dance floor, Tokyo Star

Parties involved: Myself, TTB and Snow

Dress: To-the-nine in heels, LBD’s, push-up bra’s and bling.

All of a sardine, the most incredible, all-consuming song starts playing. Immediately, the transformation begins and before you know it, all three of us were busting out the best Pirate Hooker poses we could muster…unintentionally. The Pirate Hooker pose cannot be taught. It’s already there, hidden somewhere in that X chromosome just waiting for ‘your’ song for its big reveal. Have you ever heard a bunch of girls on the dance floor all yelling in unison, “It’s my song”? Pirate Hookers. Or have you ever noticed a girl with her eyes closed, one arm in the air, bobbing her head back and forth and swaying her hips in time with a song, as if in a trance? Pirate Hooker. At that moment in time, that girl is not thinking about you, she doesn’t care how she looks, and you better not interrupt her because it’s HER time, HER song, and all she wants is to dance.

Yes girls, we all have a little Pirate in us…the only reason the Captains Pose originated was because the male species were beginning to feel a little left out. I am proud of my inner Pirate Hooker, as we should be, because for those two or three minutes on the dance floor, or in the car, or in the bedroom with the music blaring, I couldn’t care less about what people think and I embrace every inch of myself. If only we could learn to do this all the time. What a beautiful sight the Pirate Hooker is.